5 Embarrassing Reasons Why You And I Are Single

Every now and then, whether it is Valentine's Day, New Year's Day, or even Mid-Autumn Festival, Facebook and other platforms of social media were flooded with heart-wrenching posts being sappy about not having a romantic relationship. There are 3 types of single people in my book: the IDGAF, the delayed and the clueless.

Up to a point, the IDGAF type possesses a mindset that anyone who doesn’t desire them is missing out big time, and they downright feels blessed with their current state. From their perspectives, the byproduct of staying single is nothing but a sense of liberation and freedom in which a whale of time can better off sparing on self-care or even engaging in work productivity. The delayed bear a resemblance in not wanting a relationship, yet with different reasons. They are simply not mentally and physically ready for it, or haven't been able to find anyone suitable. Whatever the reasons maybe, if you happen to land on these two categories, you can revisit the idea of a relationship in another season.

That being said, this blog post is going to take into account the last category which is "the clueless" solely. I name it as "the clueless" in an attempt to refer to single people out there who show great interest in pursuing a partner but without a clue on how or why they keep failing to. Let's take a closer look as I list down some of the probable reasons to help solve the case.

1. You're obsessed with unrealistic models

As human-beings, we are constructed to fall in love by nature. Nevertheless, the concept of love varies a great deal among each and every individuals based on their sexual preference. Some find attraction towards their own kind, whilst some experience infatuation with a particular anime, cartoon, film character or a celebrity.

The palpable common among members of the latter group is the amount of time spent on mass media. According to what I was studying during a lecture yesterday, those who already devote their hobbies to such sources of entertainment are more likely to develop feelings for a non-real person owing to a high tendency of exposure with it. Believe it or not, this is a proven fact. But how come your crush is not your best friends or anyone that you interact frequently with, you may ask? When you're interested in a particular figure, the mind automatically fills in the blank spaces between your inbuilt knowledge about the person, allowing you to see what you want to see. You then proceed to think that individual an ideal mate solely based on his or her qualities which are partly made up from your own desire.That's why it's not an everyday story to have a crush on people we already know really well.

Thus, the proliferation of media coverage along with entertainment content provided by the Internet in today technology-driven society, human fantasy also plays an immense role in explaining the abnormal sensation. There is absolutely nothing erroneous about it, of course. However, if you are on the search for an actual healthy relationship, it's best to control such hobbies to the minimum and endeavor not to stray too far in the delusional la-la-land. The images depicted in movies, TV shows, comics and so forth are, in a way, unrealistic and unattainable. By setting such standards into real-life relationships, you can hardly experience satisfaction and eventually will end up being alone.

2. You have no game

The pick-up game is always insanely mind-hacking and nerve-racking."Should I be straight-forward and aggressively throw a bunch of love into his face? Because maybe he likes me as well. He is just simply too reserved."."Should I stay half available half diva so he knows but has to work for it?"."Should I focus completely on myself, ignore the guy, plus trying to look my best whenever and wherever so he has to go crazy over me?". These are a few among tons of questions I've received from my friends.

Although I found it rather bizarre why they keep asking for my advice while I haven't even been a serious relationship before, I still gave them the most genuine thoughts possible according to my own interest and observation. Here's the thing! Does "have a game" mean you ought to excel in psychology, the art of etiquette and seduction? Absolutely not. In case you expect that I advised with my friends with savvy guides and tips on how to pick-up people, you have been mistaken. Reversely, I believe you'd better exhibit yourself, but the best version of yourself while approaching them subtly. By "subtly" I mean you treat them special and make sure they are well-aware of it, however, you must not be desperate and look like you have nothing else to care about other than them.

What's about developing yourself as a person, then? Let's take fashion for example. You can dress the way it identifies who you really are, but try to pay a good attention to it because look does matter in the end of the day! Don't dress to the nines or don't wear makeup as a security blanket, instead do it only if you truly find comfortable to. Meanwhile, it's still very crucial to stay hygienic, appropriate and polite. Besides dressing well, you can develop by cultivating confidence, pursuing you goals, hitting the gym, and so forth. Every of these are completely elevating and doesn't necessarily change your own virtue.

3. You're shy

Being shy is not wrong, but acting shy is.

I'm a very shy and awkward individual myself. A lot of friends can sure argue with the statement by pointing out some soundingly persuasive evidence that I'm usually the loudest one in the group, I laugh, I talk, I expose myself a great deal online as well. Even though those characteristics do not typically represent someone who is socially awkward, they do not represent social butterflies either. Am I a mix, then? No, I am not.

I labelled myself as an introvert ever since second-grade and I still do today. Even the slightest facial expressions or words coming out of their mouth can affect my feeling. Therefore, for years, I had an overwhelming sense of intimidation from face-to-face communication and interaction. I have been able to control it to the minimum now. Though, it did take a lot of efforts and determination.

I'm sure the vast majority of us are deep-down-inside the same, despite saying: "I don't care about what others have to say about me". But, never should you make it as an excuse for not contributing anything in the progress. If you sense pressure talking face-to-face, why don't you resort to texting? It can be fun. To wrap it up, I recommend you to push yourself over the limit to seize that "dream boat" before someone else does.

4. You're passive

Is it true that playing hard to get is more effective? Are we more attracted to whose feelings are of mystery? Surprisingly, a part of which is accurate due to the fact that there's a lot more room for processing the possibilities (read number 1 again to understand further) making the catch seem extremely exciting. In addition, as for women, especially Asian women have been taught to take the passive approach and men to take the lead. It is not only about the tradition, but also the popular assumption of breaking up is of higher chance if the girls take the initiative.

My answer is that being passive is never appealing and being feminine isn't necessarily about being passive. It may about being receptive and suggesting. Showing enthusiasm and engagement in the process allows people to know you care and inspire them to spend more time figuring you out. So, go and work for it instead of sitting there looking pretty.

5. You're an easy quitter

Let's admit it. There's this once or twice time you force yourself to step up the game, make the first move or show a big hint hoping your crush will notice and return the favor. Honestly, I would say it's possible, but very minor in which your crush have already have a thing for you. Otherwise it'd only happens in fairy tales and Korean dramas, seriously. I have been through this so many times that I know too well. Did you give up when you feel as if he/she is down for someone else (by the way, much hotter and more talented than you)? Did you give up when he/she do not respond to you the way you expect? Did you give up when it takes so much time and effort, yet still no progress is made?

None of the above can serve as a legit incentive to actually let the person loose. I acknowledge that it takes bravery and tons of courage to do so and even the slightest vision of having to conduct such challenging tasks over again is insanely unbearable. Nevertheless, people don't say there's a causal link between hesitation and failure for nothing. Therefore, for better or for worse, try harder, follow it thru the end, and never to lose faith.

Precaution: Remember never to change who you are and lose your virtue to meet others' expectations, unless they mean it for your own good. People in different walks of life have different viewpoints and different types when it comes to choosing a partner. Hence, when someone is showing signs they would rather not date you, believe them. Shrug your shoulders and move on. Keep trying or faking it won't work and even if it will, such relationship doesn't last anyway.

So, what has been the prolonged obstacles on your quest for true love? Do they concern any of 5 reasons I listed above? If you fail to recognize yours, by doing some self-exploration and putting yourself on the spot, you can begin to sort through the obstacles in your path and learn to tackle with them in your own way (Eliminate them. Embrace them. Alter them. Your choice). That is, obviously, unless you are not ready to mingle, then just stay single and stay cool as long as you feel contented.

Tune Ur Rhythm

Enjoy <3